Tuesday, December 16, 2014

The Great and Radical-Awesome Animal ABCS - H

-H is for Humuhumunukunukuapuaas “scientific name: Rhinecanthus aculeatus” AKA:Reef Triggerfish-
            Ahh, the humuhumunukunukuapuaas, what a majestic, long-named beast! The uneducated would just casually look it up on their witchery devices and tell you it’s a tropical fish from tropical Hawaii, one of that U.S.A. place’s fifty states. Foolish witches- as if your “cell phones” actually know anything!
            The Reef Triggerfish is the most hardcore fish in the ocean- next to Mantis Shrimp, Megaladons, and the biblical Leviathan: Maker of Waves. They’re the only fish in all the seven seas that boast not only an in-grown AK-47 with an unlimited magazine of hollowpoints, but the ability to fly with its sizable jet booster attached to its nose. Remember all those pirates swimming around the Caribbean, who do you think got rid of them? The English Imperials? Psssssh, no, it’s these guys. This, Dear Reader, was the prime inspiration by the Wright Brothers, those ingenious circus actors/inventors that created the first working airplane. It was only a matter of time before they attacked a machine gun on those bad boys and voilà! Imagining the resemblance now?
            It is little known that Reef Triggerfishies comprised every airborne division of the Hawaiian Volcano Lord Kamehameha, a cruel man known well for both his ability to charge his super attacks for several episodes, and his affinity for volcanos. Back in the secret age of the nineteen zerohundreds one could see them zooming everywhere in all of the tropical, triggery... reefy glory. They take a solid fourth spot on the ocean’s coolest animals-they’re also a hit at fireworks and air shows.