-B
is for Bees-
What’s there to
say about the noble bee? Quite a lot, beelieve it or not. Now, everyone knows
bees live in hives, which is basically a bunch of hardened gross stuff like the
ants, but bees at least have the common courtesy to have their disgusting homes
some place where you’re not going to step in it- I mean come on, ants; are you
even trying?
#1 thing to know about bees is to never mess with them,
they’re like homing missle-rocket killing machine things, except they’re alive. You piss these badasses off, and
you’re about to have a hundred poisoned flying knives stabbing your face. Don’t
do it. If you even touch one of these angry winged Valkyries who have been
raised with a whole diet of vinegar and salt, it’ll set off a little “bee
signal” sending the entire horde your way to give you a birthday you’ll forget,
only if you forget days in which your face is less “face” and more “angry
poisioned flying knives that wait for you even if you hold your breath underwater”.
So bee warned. To commune with the bees and beecome their allies, you’ll need
to walk directly under their hive, spin around three times, and yell “HORNETS
ARE POSERS” for an hour straight, after that, stick your butt into the air so
that the queen, by now wondering what all the buzz outside is about, can give
you your honorary stinger, thus employing you as a “bee keeper” the term given
to those stalwart defenders of be kind. For your service you are delivered a jar
of honey every week to pour upon yourself in glorious decadence.
As a newly-born bee keeper, you receive sweet new
bee-magic powers so awesome you won’t even beelieve it! Ready?- if you get on
all fours and start crawling around on a circle while going “BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ”
over and over, you’ll start to randomly transform inanimate objects around you
into pure honey! Do this in public places for extra effect, because bees are communal
creatures, and as such so is their mighty honey-making magic. It’s really funny
if you do it in an apple store, because sometimes you honeyize one of their
overpriced $2000 computers that have inferior specs to non-apple $500
computers. It makes the employees so mad, but when they come over to ask you to
leave the store, you can just sting their punk ass and fly away. No one messes
with bees.
For the hive!
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